情人节前夕

情人节就快要到了，跟往年不一样，但跟以往一样， 又在一个人过了。

也好，不像往年那样，还嘚烦恼要做些什么，送些什么东西。 

我不是一个浪漫的人，所以情人节对我来说是一个很大的考验。

还好今天不用费心思去想这么多， 轻轻松松的过情人节就好了。

但是又不想平凡的过，想找一个特别的人陪我度过， 但怕人家会觉得我怪怪的，

毕竟只是我在单恋她人。 

我决定放下了， 不再去找她聊天了，即使她来找我，我会特地的说几句就结束了我们的对话。

我还是不适合她，而却她渐渐地失去我喜欢她的优点和她本身的性格吧。 我不是她的家人和很熟的人，我没资格去批评她所做的一切， 只是觉得心疼而已。我再次喜欢上一个跟她不可能会有好结局的人，因为我们是不同世界的人。虽然她的思想跟我的差不多一样，但是兴趣上还是有所不同。

我从上一段感情学了很多东西，

我不会在为爱一个人， 而强迫自己做不喜欢的东西，不照顾自己，勉强自己，和给自己太大的压力。 我牺牲了很多的机会和自己所喜欢的东西，非常的后悔。我的头疼一次比一次来得更加疼，我不想在受这些折磨了。。。真的好辛苦。我知道，只有找到合适的人，才会幸福美满。

新年的某一天，我去了一个陌生的地方拜年和探望朋友， 我听了她的故事， 觉得我的经历和她所遭遇的很相同，感到很感触。她真的是个很好很好的女生，成熟又贴心的女生，好后悔当初放弃追求她（想过）。哈哈，不要在提以往的事了。 往前看吧。 希望今年的情人节会充满美好的回忆~

the first day of February

I try to suspect myself, all the time, since two months ago until now. Am I really like her? or just a wrong feeling? i try to ask myself hardly every night or when I saw her on Facebook or other communication channel. Maybe I just admire her, she look nicer, or some other reasons. She really is my dream girl, not totally but almost. I keep telling myself "hey, she 100% will not falling in love with you, why you still like her so much, just give up man". However, in real world really hard to achieve, even though i try to avoid her or try not to find her chatting, but my heart really cannot control when I saw her online.

She is much thinner compared with last time. I don't know why she feel that she is fat, not enough thin. For me, she is considered over thin especially her face. Last time look better and healthy.

I will try to forget her start from today. Hope she don't want to find me on FB... If not, the feeling will not away from my mind.

In my heart, I really hope that she can be my girl friend, seriously. But reality it is impossible. Not I do not have confident on myself, just feel that I am not her type. Even how hard I put afford on her, there is no perfect ending. I know, I know, some of you may think that if you never try it, you will never know the answer. But my six sense told me the reality. My six sense always accurate.

Before internship or before apply internship jobs, I already know what will happen after my internship, either break up, or trust between each other will be affected. Ya, both also happened. Her mom told me that, " if you can hold until after internship, everything will be alright". After she told me that sentence, I really want to tell her something, but I did not. Even I can hold until after internship, the things were already happen, cannot be removed or recovered, our trust already broke, how hard i try to rescue is already too late, too late... and our future perspective is totally different, I cannot always follow her opinion, I try to voice out my opinion, but she did not listen, keep following her thinking. May be herself did not release. My headache and dizzy become more and more serious and the pressure more and more heavy. It is because she already forgot what I told her before we in the relationship, what I want, and what she want. Just after a year, she totally change her mind set, she just do not know. What she said, what she do, what she tell me, which is important for me, I remembered all. But she forgot all. But everyone got her limitation, may be she not good in remember those "non-value added" memory. But as a bf, his heart really feel pain. He may ask himself, "she really love you or not?" or "she just needs a person to take care about her only"?

To be continued~

why I wrote this? It is because I still care about her. Still cannot put down all but I already can put down 80%. And I try to tell my friends who are reviewing my blog, I am alright, just still got some emo. :)

I will try to search my real dream girl in future and change myself, I promised :)